Why is it that we so often hold on to something that hurts us deeply?
Why can’t we walk away from it?
It turns out that most people do this sort of thing.
Is it that we find comfort in our pain?
Somehow it seems to provide us with a sort of safe haven, perhaps a sense of security. Why?
Is it that we feel it is a part of our history and although it may make us feel bad, we know it, it is familiar?
Perhaps it feels like home so it’s safe.
What is worse is that we feel the need to relive it over and over.
We tell our friends about it and each time we do we re-experience it and reinforce the suffering involved.
A greater understanding of our inner world can allow us to leave the hurt behind.
According to some psychologists, we operate in this manner as we are maintaining some basic conditioners; fear, guilt and low self-esteem.
These feelings create patterns of repeated behaviour throughout our lives.
So how can we change this?
It is also said that such behaviour can be triggered by unconscious memory….kind of hard to control that!
However, not all is lost, as it also appears that by simply being aware of this, by recognizing these patterns we can control some of this behaviour.
This comes through what Alain Forget calls “distancing”; that is stepping back and looking to see which of our inner personalities is on the “stage” and has control of our conscious mind. 
Search Inside Yourself, the Google book by Chade-Meng Tan puts it this way; “Self-awareness depends on being able to see ourselves objectively, and to examine our thoughts and emotions from a third person perspective, not getting swept up in the emotion, or identifying with it but just seeing it clearly and objectively.”
Tan goes on to say that paying attention our emotions as they arise allows us the ability to pause before we act… “Between stimulus and response we create a space within which we have the freedom to chose how we respond. It is in our response that lies our growth and our path to happiness.” 
By Blake and Boky
 Forget, Alain. “How to get out of this world ALIVE.” Alain Forget. 2012
 Tan, Chade-Meng. “Search Inside Yourself.” HarperCollins Publishers. 2012